God, Love & Truth

"God, Guns and Trump" is emblazoned on a barn that I have to drive by frequently. The flag first went up when the 2020 election was in full swing, but it is still hanging there and I can't help but see it as a threat to the democracy and the faith that I hold dear. 

The whole idea that God has anything to do with guns or with promoting a particular political candidate disgusts me, and I am speaking as a Christian, as a pastor of 38 years. Jesus was a pacifist who refused to seize power through force or any underhanded methods. Satan tempted him with power and authority over the nations of the world when Jesus was fasting in the wilderness. Jesus said "no" in very clear terms. He refused to make any deals with the devil even if the deal seemed to promote things that Jesus was working toward. 

Peter wielded a sword in Gethsemane, cutting off the ear of a Roman soldier who had come to arrest Jesus. Jesus told Peter to put his sword away. Scholars think that a part of Judas's frustration with Jesus was that he did not raise up an army to fight the Roman oppressors. Some of them say that Judas was trying to force Jesus's hand when he betrayed him to the authorities, wrongly assuming that Jesus would finally turn on them and fight.

Jesus's messages centered on Love, not violence. Yes, he did expect to win over the world and all of the earthly and political powers that were and are, but he expected to do so through the power of Love. He did not threaten his enemies with physical violence, but rather with the power of God, whom he saw as the God of Love. Jesus turned the world's understandings upside down. “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you," (Matthew 5:43-44)

We are in challenging times, times in which love is being pushed to the side as not being a strong or effective force. We live in times when honesty is seen as a quaint character flaw of the naive rather than the central characteristic of a good person. We live in times when the idea of fairness has been subverted to mean, "if I have the power or the money, I can do whatever I want no matter who it crushes underfoot in the process." But I want to go on record saying that this attitude is not Christian. The end never justifies privilege-bought, deceitful or violent means, even if the end is something you think God wants. 

God's ways are not our ways. God has the power to work through Love and does not need our guns or dishonest politics in order to win the day. In fact, if you are not honest; if you need to resort to violence, then you have most likely strayed from the Way laid out by Jesus.

My prayer is that we can find our way back to a Christian faith that honestly reflects the values that Jesus embodied throughout his entire life.

    

Cherries & Mindfulness

Yesterday morning I spent  a couple of hours picking cherries at the orchard near my home. I love tart cherries and try to stock my freezer with them each summer so we can enjoy them in the winter. Rarely in the past have I ventured out on a Saturday. During my working life Saturdays were spent preparing for Sunday worship services. Oh, sure, I might take an hour or so to hike or swim (or ski) with Gary or a friend, but for the most part I found it difficult to relax and actually pay attention to something that was not related to Sunday morning.

It was amazing, then, to wake up yesterday realizing I had the time to not only pick cherries, but also to use my little gadget to pit them while they were still firm, making that task a whole lot easier to accomplish. Cherries pretty much took up my entire day. There was something freeing about spending all that time focused on one simple intention of filling the freezer with a taste of summer's tart sweetness. 

I have always enjoyed taking time to prepare good meals for my family from scratch, to keep a vegetable garden, and to make bread, yogurt or kombucha when I could. No matter what I was doing though, whether home and family-related or work-related, it often felt as if I was stealing the time away from something else. When I was still in college a missionary couple stayed on campus for their sabbatical and spent time teaching and talking about their experiences overseas. One piece of wisdom they imparted to me was, "don't let the urgent take place of the important." This bit of advice tends to pop into my mind when I stress about not doing some urgent-seeming something.

Too often, we let the urgent rule our days, and sadly there are times when we never get to the things that are important. Overall, I manage to maintain a pretty decent balance in the choices I make, but yesterday's cherry immersion showed me that there is more for me to learn in this regard. I felt the difference between doing something I loved with absolute freedom, versus doing it while another responsibility lingered in the back of my mind. Although I have practiced meditation for several years now, and even taught it, the mysteries of mindfulness continue to unfold, offering new insights at each turn. There was a different quality to my ability to focus yesterday which I long to experience more often. 

A little book I read a long time ago, whose title and author I do not recall, told the story of a monk new to monastery life who was charged with making bread. He had started mixing, adding raisins to the dry ingredients, when a senior monk told him they were making plain bread that day so he needed to pick out the raisins. The new monk started to protest, saying it would take too much time. The senior monk calmly reminded him it didn't really matter what he did to occupy his hands, that what was important was what occupied his mind and heart. He could pray and meditate whether he was taking raisins out of flour or mixing the ingredients together. 

No matter what I do today, or any day, I hope that I can embody this good advice, and be fully present in the process of whatever activities make up my day.

 

Retired!

This is the first day of my retired life. It is pretty exciting to finally take the step I have been contemplating for awhile now! In The Summer Day poet Mary Oliver asks, "What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" This question has been haunting me. I feel that there is something inside of me that wants to come out, but I don't know what it is. I sense that it needs me to create time and space where it will feel welcomed and safe, where it can stretch its wings a bit and let them dry before attempting to take flight. 

Karen Walrond, author of The Lightmaker's Manifesto, in conversation with Brene Brown, said it is important to create space in your life, to not just get restless, but to get bored! As I listened to their conversation I started to recognize that I am very familiar with getting restless when I take time off from the normal routines of my life, and that my restlessness usually pushes me to get active again pretty darn quickly. It is rare that I allow myself the freedom to actually get bored. Even on vacation, I often bring along a pile of books I plan to read, or work on some writing. I was nervous about retiring and leaving behind a job that was meaningful to me, one through which I felt I was contributing to the community in a positive way. Sure ministry can be anxiety producing, but it also has aspects that are deeply fulfilling and rewarding. Still, after 39 years of parish ministry, I knew it was time. It was time for me to prioritize this other calling that kept tugging at me, the one that Mary Oliver's words reminded me of.

One of my favorite places in the world is an island off the coast of Maine where my husband and I have been going for eight years now, often twice a year. When people ask me what I will do there, my usual response is "I will hike the trails and sit by the sea watching the waves, the seals and the birds." And that is what I do, I sit for extraordinarily long periods of time observing and even becoming a part of the scenery. I realized that this is what I need to do now. I need to simply be present where I am, letting the peace of the place (no matter where I find myself) settle into my bones.

Eventually, whatever is next will start to show itself, but until then I will be trying to get comfortable with any restlessness that emerges. Until then, I will keep breathing deeply, practicing those meditative techniques and prayerful approaches to life that have anchored me through the years. I will be waiting for boredom to take hold, and, hopefully, welcoming it as a true gift.

Eclipse and Community

           This Monday started off like any other week, with my yoga class where I encouraged my body to stretch and where I was encouraged to pay attention to the infinitesimal details of how various muscles and ligaments moved (or didn’t).  But afterward, Gary and I drove off to Castleton chasing the sun, or to be more accurate, in search of a way to safely view the imminent solar eclipse.

            We pulled into the parking lot at Castleton University near the small planetarium where there were already at least 100 people gathered.  The Green Mountain Astronomy Club had set up four telescopes with special filtering lenses and already a long line snaked its way across the grass to that particular tent.  As we approached, a couple asked if we would like to use their special eclipse viewing glasses to take a look at the sun.  The astronomy club was urging people to share glasses they said, encouraging newcomers to just tap someone on the shoulder and ask if they could borrow theirs for a moment. 

            Not only did this tactic work, but it helped to create a festive and communal atmosphere among the crowd.  People were smiling, sharing glasses and stories, showing off their homemade devices crafted out of old cereal boxes or colanders or in one case, a pair of binoculars embedded backwards in a large cardboard box lid and held a couple feet above a white sheet of paper where the image of the sun appeared.  We discovered that Gary’s straw hat left perfectly shaped little eclipse light shadows on his shirt, and had fun sharing that with the people waiting in line with us.  Strangers talked and smiled and were at ease with one another.  It was a wonderful gathering, and we left smiling, lighthearted and feeling that we had participated in something very special.

            It seems that we weren’t the only ones to feel this way.  The day after the eclipse I noticed several articles in the New York Times and other news and commentary sources that I regularly follow mused about the sense of community that was a strong thread running through Monday’s eclipse viewing gatherings across the country.  I think we all needed this.  We needed to come together to celebrate and experience something that we all had in common.  We needed to share smiles and stories and eclipse glasses with one another without worrying about the politics or religion of it and whether or not we could agree on it. 

            We all saw the same thing, a very simple image of the bright circle of the sun being swallowed up by the shadow of the moon, and even though it was simple we kept passing the glasses around exclaiming about the changes, asking if the person next to us noticed the difference from just a minute or two ago.  The camaraderie was just what the doctor ordered for what is ailing us, a good dose of community spirit, of shared lighthearted celebration.  In Castleton the crowd cheered at the height of the eclipse, and it felt to me like we just might have been cheering about the shared experience even more than we were cheering for the sun or moon or their beautiful dance in the sky.

Holding On and Ringing True

      A lot of people are having a rough time right about now, and the recent US Presidential election is just a part of the trouble.  Divisiveness is rampant, no matter where you look.  There is a notable lack of trust, a dis-ease with those who are different from oneself.  Social problems we thought had been dealt with long ago continue to rear their heads, taunting us and reminding us that we have not really dug deep enough.  We have not gotten to the root of the problems that we face as a society.   Racism, sexism, and economic disparity divide us from one another and encourage us to see only our differences.  But we need to focus more intently on what unifies us.  We need to see our interconnectedness as the essence of who we are - who all of us are.
      In September I attended a retreat with Joanna Macy where she taught a large group of us a variety of skills for dealing with despair over the current state of environmental concern in the world.  Many of those who attended are folks involved in what used to be called the work of “Despair and Empowerment” (note the "and" there.  It is not about moving from one to the other, but rather, of holding both at the same time and living within this difficult balancing act.) The work is now better known as “The Great Turning”, coined by Joanna herself as a way of acknowledging where we are in the present moment.
        It is the belief and deep hope of many spiritual climate activists that the world is turning away from its unfortunate and deeply flawed anthropocentrism, toward a more mindful way of being.  But this can't really happen without the current structures falling apart to some extent, and that part of the process in particular, is painful.  Acknowledging this Joanna shared a portion of a powerful poem by Rilke: 

Quiet friend who has come so far,
feel how your breathing makes more space around you.
Let this darkness be a bell tower
and you the bell. As you ring,

what batters you becomes your strength. 
Move back and forth into the change. 
What is it like, such intensity of pain?
If the drink is bitter, turn yourself to wine.

In this uncontainable night,
be the mystery at the crossroads of your senses,
the meaning discovered there.

And if the world has ceased to hear you, 
say to the silent Earth: I flow.

(Part Two, Sonnet XXIX by Rilke , transl. Joanna Macy) 

        The Great Turning is not a time for the weak. Change does not happen without some challenges, without some backlash, and when you are caught in the midst of helping to bring change about, you may get beaten up a bit in the process.
        The key is to stay connected to the things that give you strength and hope.
        The key is to remember what it is that sustains you on an ordinary day, and then tap into it ever deeper on the challenging days. Draw the sustenance you need from the way you live your life. For me this means spending time in the woods near a small stream, walking on the dirt road near my home, making music and making good food, and talking with friends.
        The key is to remember who you are and to hold onto believing in the purpose for which you have come. You are needed and valued, and this is especially true in difficult times.

Joanna Macy is a well known Buddhist Earth Activist who has collaborated with John Seed and many others, doing the “Great Work” throughout the world. See more about her here: http://www.joannamacy.net/ 

Fierce Mother-Love

Too late to ask someone to cover for me, I realized that this is a difficult year for me to be preaching on Mother’s Day.  Since Mom's unexpected death, this has been and continues to be a period of reflection on what she means to me, what I learned from her, how she shaped me.  It is a time of sorting through challenging interactions and lighthearted ones, wanting to understand her better by looking at things more closely than I did when we were in the midst of them. I find myself wrestling as much meaning and understanding as I can from every memory.  

My sister and I have spent a lot of time talking about these memories, about our thoughts and feelings related to Mom and to who we are in light of this most basic relationship we have.  We are trying to help each other through, trying to make sense of the way our lives have unfolded so far, and what we want our futures to look like.  In so many ways, my mom’s legacy in my life is something I am only just beginning to unpack.  Even after all of these years, I don’t have the full picture yet – in my head or my heart.  What I do know is that I was well loved by her, and still am.

I think of the time when Mom came to help out at a community event where the church I serve sold baked goods, fresh lemonade & a refreshing Vermont drink called "shrub".  It was soon after my former husband had left, so I was feeling pretty overwhelmed by life - continuing my ministry, caring for a home and garden all on my own, parenting my twin daughters through their own emotions and responses to the divorce and maintaining my commitment to homeschooling them.  In those days, Mom made a point of coming up to Vermont at just the right time to help out with church yard sales or other big events.  

At the end of this particular community day, we packed up everything (which included loading the girls' bikes on the back of the car) and finally got into my old Nissan stanza wagon.  As I maneuvered to get out of the parking lot, I had to back up a bit and ended up slowly backing the bikes into a tree which pushed one of the bike handles through the rear window.  When I heard the sound and felt the crunch, I got out of the car and went to see what had happened.  

Mom followed me, and grabbed me into the strongest, fiercest hug I had ever felt from her.  She held me like that as I just lost it.  I cried way more than a broken window warranted, and I am pretty sure she knew that.  She knew I was grieving everything I had lost, everything that had fallen apart and I didn't know how to put back together.  It was in those moments that I knew Mom was really there for me, even if she was usually more reserved about expressing her love.  I knew she was capable of a fierce hug when I needed it, of fierce, protective mother-love when it counted the most.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom.  I love you!

(The sunset view from Mom & Dad's balcony in Florida.)

Easter Dawns

I wrote this poetic piece as a reflection on how I have been feeling in dealing with my mom's death and wrestling with what Easter means in light of this personal time of grief.  It seemed to me that Easter ought to have something to say about a personal grief, if it reflects some deeper truth about our lives with Spirit.  At heart, Easter is about how life shows up despite death's best efforts.  And no matter what else it is, life is certainly good.

Easter Dawns

This Easter

all of the metaphors

about Spring and new life

crowd into my mind. 

One after another,

they try to explain how it works,

how life can rise out of the frozen

muddy earth.

But none of the explanations

get it quite right…

Until I realize that words and metaphors,

symbols reaching out toward hope

need to be grounded in this reality

here and now

in this moment:

“Life has hold of us

even in the midst of death,

and life is good."